
It's not easy for U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon to make light of world events. Every day, he is required to comment with solemnity and pathos on the world's afflictions: a car bombing in Iraq or Afghanistan, a bloody crackdown on protesters in Syria, a flood in Pakistan, an earthquake in Haiti, or the prospects of a nuclear war with North Korea. But as the holiday season approaches, bringing a host of year-end anniversary events, Ban gets an opportunity to crack wise now and again.
Which begs a serious question: How funny is the secretary general?
I scoured the record for a collection of Ban's most memorable comic moments. Frankly, most of the jokes are on the corny side, and I had trouble deciphering a few of the punch lines. But the spectacle of a man with barely a single strand of comedic DNA in his system and plagued with bad timing playing for laughs has produced some humorous moments. "I'm going to be a little bit funny this evening so I hope you will bear with me," Ban warned in a typical disclaimer during the U.N. Correspondents Association's awards banquet last year.
Ban treaded a similar path this year, warning the audience to brace for "a real disaster: me trying to be funny." Actually, it was one of Ban's more successful ventures into comedy, complete with a video vignette depicting the 67-year old diplomat having a wild night out on the town, skateboarding along New York City's 1st Avenue, and accidentally transmitting online photos of himself to leaders of the G-20.
In one skit, Ban responds to the global financial crisis by moonlighting as a short order U.N. cook and seeking alternative sources of revenue on a Home Shopping Network channel. With the number 1-800-UN4Sale blinking on the screen, Ban tries to sell a U.N. coffee mug, a U.N. resolution, and a bag of construction debris from the renovation of the New York headquarters. When that doesn't work, he offers to auction UNICEF's headquarters and a lunch with Associated Press's fetching U.N. reporter Edie Lederer. Following a long riff on bulls -- Ban received a gift of one from South Sudan's President Salva Kiir -- the U.N. chief took issue with criticism that his reform efforts have a lot like his new pet: "too big, too slow, and full of waste."
"That's bull," Ban insisted. "That's bullshit."
When Ban, fresh out of the Korean Foreign Ministry, began his first term as secretary general, he had to fight the impression that he was a bit too bland for the world's top diplomatic job. He quickly set out to charm the press corps with a rendition of "Santa Clause Is Coming to Town." Only, in this version, it's Ban who is coming to town. He gets points here for trying, but it's clear that the U.N. chief could stand to have a better command over his material.
For a high-flying diplomat like Ban, a bit of local comic humor is always a good way to soften up a foreign audience. On a recent trip to New Zealand, Ban invoked the country's roots -- declaring in the native Maori He waka eke noa -- "we are all in this canoe together," and comparing the national sporting obsession to his own line of work.
"Rugby scrums confuse anyone who doesn't know the game. So do U.N. debates," he said. "And sometimes they can look very similar! In rugby, you lose teeth. In diplomacy, you lose face."
On May 13, 2010, Ban introduced himself to young participants at a model U.N. conference with this line: "I must admit, I was a little confused when I walked in. You are all so polished and wonderful to look at. I thought you could be models, and I thought that I was at New York Fashion Week. Perhaps that's what Model U.N. really means! It's OK. You are allowed to laugh."
I guess you had to be there.
Ban usually lightens up at the annual fundraiser for the U.N. Foundation, an advocacy group formed with a $1 billion contribution from Ted Turner -- and this year was no different. With the rock band Linkin Park in attendance, Ban said: "I am proud to be the first secretary general in the United Nations history to have had a Facebook townhall meeting with Linkin Park. But, I must admit. I wasn't always so hip. Some years ago, my daughter said, ‘I really like Linkin Park.' I said ‘Linkin Park? Is he Korean?'"
French is the U.N.'s second working language, and Ban has struggled to master it. Every year, at the annual meeting of the Francophonie -- a gathering of 56 French-speaking governments -- Ban has sought to disarm the audience with some jokes in French. "This is the third time I have attended a francophone reception and I still don't know exactly what Francophonie means," he said.
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