The Dear Leader was right. The Dear Leader is always right. Kim Jong Un predicted that someday the imperialists would strike across the DMZ like treacherous snakes. And so they did, using the pretext that our peaceful, defensive nuclear weapons program was so provocative that it justified a ground invasion to overthrow the benevolent reign of our Glorious Leader.
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But they had not reckoned on the foresight of the Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander. In his wisdom, the Father of the People had chosen me, Field Marshal Kim-Il Noob, to lead the defense of the Workers and Peasants Paradise.
The field of battle was "Drive on Pyongyang," which belongs to that most fiendish of capitalist inventions, the tabletop wargame, which seek to divert the masses through the fascination of historical simulation. The game is published by the aggressor mouthpiece known as Modern War Magazine, which every two months publishes a paper wargame on a post-World War II historical or future conflict. They will regret choosing the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK) for their latest topic.
Puppets on a Battlefield
"Drive on Pyongyang" is a paper wargame played on a roughly two-by-three-foot map overlaid by a hexagonal grid, upon which maneuver some 280 half-inch cardboard pieces depicting the forces of the combatants, mostly division- and corps-sized formations rated for their attack, defense, and movement capabilities. The United States and its Republic of Korea puppets make up the bulk of the Coalition order of battle, plus two British and French armored divisions and a few special forces detachments. Our heroic North Korean People's Army has a few strong mechanized corps, but our forces mostly consist of numerous small infantry divisions that unfortunately lack the firepower of the aggressors.
The game mechanics in "Drive on Pyongyang" would seem to confirm the imperialists' arrogance. Coalition units are stronger than their North Korean counterparts. Some Coalition forces (mostly American) are capable of conducting "Netcentric" warfare, which is more powerful than a regular attack. Their relentless exploitation of the proletariat has given them attack helicopters, paratroopers, naval gunfire, air and naval resupply, and a heavy-strike capability (those sinister B-2 stealth bombers).
Even the game rules state that "there is little doubt that the North Koreans will suffer defeat in this war in the classic military sense." Ha! Guided by the Peerless Leader, how can we be defeated? Besides, while Coalition forces have to trace supply lines back to South Korea, our glorious troops don't have to worry about supply. (As the rules rather crassly state, "there are no supply lines for the North Korean units because, by Coalition standards, they're simply out of supply all the time owing to aerial interdiction, etc.") Coalition troops in their monstrous vehicles can zoom over roads and clear terrain, but our tough People's Infantry moves faster over rough terrain and over rivers. The map is shaded white for clear terrain and brown for mountains and hills, and unfortunately for the imperialists, there is much more brown than white.
But most of all, our advantage is iron will. Other nations like North Vietnam have triumphed because of superior determination, and we shall do the same. National morale in "Drive on Pyongyang" is reflected through Media Perception Points. The Coalition starts with 200 points, and while that number will never increase, it will inevitably decrease every time their treacherous plans fail. When the Coalition takes significant casualties, or if an attack on our valiant warriors fails, they lose Media Perception Points. If our troops counterattack, the Coalition also loses face. If we fight and fight hard, we can be victorious.
Woe to the imperialists, for the Democratic People's Republic has many means of smiting the snakes. We start the game with three fixed Scud sites near the border, plus 17 peaceful, defensive WMD sites located around the country. Every turn that there is at least one surviving Scud site, the Coalition loses one to three Media Perception Points, and additional points if there is at least one surviving WMD site.
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